


The Life of a Mum.

by Susan099



Category: Hilda (Cartoon)
Genre: A bit of Johanna's past, Comfort/Angst, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gen, Johanna vs the world, this is probably a little dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:13:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29855844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Susan099/pseuds/Susan099
Summary: Johanna had always been resourceful, confident, and courageous. Obviously, an adventurer like her had to be prepared for anything.But the truth was that nothing could have prepared her to be a mother.And much less, to cope with all the problems that come with having a baby when the world seems to be against you.After all, Why did Johanna end up living in the middle of nowhere when she grew up in Trollberg?
Relationships: Hilda & Johanna | Hilda's Mum (Hilda)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	The Life of a Mum.

As a child, Johanna had fallen countless times. She was not the best at dodging unexpected obstacles that appeared out of nowhere, but she was also unable to suppress the urge to run with all her might through the city streets. So for as long as she could remember, she very often found herself dealing with a couple of scrapes on her knees and hands. It hurt, of course, it hurt, but even as she tried to hold back her tears from the stinging that her wounds produced every time her mother helped her clean them, she thought that all this was totally worth it; because running was one of her favorite activities. She loved how her hair tousled in the wind; the speed seemed exciting to her; it made her feel so free. So it didn't matter that in one of her many adventures had the misfortune of crashing into someone or something. It didn't matter that she will continuously end up in the dirt on the floor with ripped pants and a bleeding knee; nothing would make her stop running.

Falling hurts. But running was worth it.

Many were amazed at how brave Johanna could be. Well, she always listened to other people's comments about it. The Sparrow Scouts said so because while others wavered in terror at the climbing challenge's height, Johanna never showed signs of fear. 

Even if, from time to time, she slipped or lost her grip, she would not freeze in her place for fear of falling; on the contrary, she would make her grip more secure, and she would climb much faster.

At school, everyone was afraid to answer Miss Haraldsen's questions; because if you gave the wrong answer, she would hit you on the shoulder with a wooden ruler and assign you extra homework. Usually, she would never pick someone in particular. She would say the question on the air, and she would wait for someone to answer. If no one responded voluntarily after a few seconds, Miss Haraldsen would choose someone to answer but automatically would punish everyone with extra homework. The unlucky chosen one will also receive four blows with the ruler if he gives the wrong answer. Still, if he responded well, he would receive two. Miss Haraldsen claimed that she did it as punishment for not trusting themselves; If they had the correct answer, why do they keep being quiet then?

The anxiety that Miss Haraldsen caused to everyone in the class was overwhelming. Still, Johanna didn't seem intimidated because she didn't hesitate for a second to raise her hand and ask to speak when she had the chance. More than once, some of her classmates asked her how the fear of being wrong didn't stop her.

Johanna would always respond with a soft smile, "Really, it's just about having confidence in yourself."

"Even when everything seems to be against you?"

" Oh yeah. Especially when it is like that."

"Wow, Johanna, you are courageous..."

" _... or maybe you're foolish."_

_"Your mother and I don't invest so much money in your education that you waste it like this!"_

_"An impending failure, that's just what you are!"_

_"You will never get a job being a ridiculous and pathetic graphic designer."_

_"I always knew that your way of reasoning was different, but apparently, you are simply an idiot."_

Johanna believed that after leaving her special place as a Sparrow Scouts member, she would never again look for excuses not to return home early. But here she was, walking two miles a day after school instead of just taking the bus. Her mother would probably be furious with her for being late (as she had been in the habit of this past year). Still, Johanna preferred to listen to a sermon about how irresponsible and inconsiderate it was to come home so late rather than hear a series of passive-aggressive insults about the profession he had chosen and how he would inevitably fail in it. Also, coming home so tired made sleeping much easier and faster, so she didn't have to keep listening to her parents' reproaches for long.

But even though her parents' comments hurt more than she would like to admit, Johanna was proud that she had stood firm in her decision despite everything. She was going to be a graphic designer.

Unlike several of her friends, she was studying what she loved. Victor hadn't dared to tell his father that he didn't want to be a doctor, so now he was miserable studying medicine. Martha hadn't dared to confront her parents about how much she hated accounting, so now she was spending her time in an office, bored to death from going through so many numbers and papers. Octavio's parents convinced him that studying music would be a terrible waste of time and finally persuaded him to study business administration.

Johanna had told everyone to defend their positions, that they must fight for their dreams. But all gave her a skeptical look and a common response:

_"Not all of us are as daring as you to challenge our parents."_

And Johanna thought that in part, the fact of rebelling to her parents and not accepting that she had to abandon her dreams was more a consequence of her particular personality.

After all, she had to trick them so she could enroll in a graphic design degree. She wasn't proud of this, but if she had learned anything over the years, it was that if she didn't do it in this way, they would have done everything they could to prevent her from studying graphic design. So she told them what they wanted to hear for a while, that she would learn the profession of the family (Architecture), and over the years, she would take the place of her father and direct her office of architects. She kept the lie long enough to carry out all the paperwork for herself and without her parents suspecting that she was enrolling in an arts university instead of an architecture university. She had to learn the postman's routines to intercept him at the exact moment that he delivered the correspondence and thus prevent her parents from seeing her acceptance letter. She pretended to have been in Architecture University for an entire school year. 

Johanna even made a couple of mockups and drew several plans so that no one would suspect her; she had to bear the extra workload long enough for her to win a scholarship to art college, and when she finally told her parents the truth, there was no way they would force her to drop out of school if they took away their financial support.

Oh, they were furious. They looked for almost any pretext to get her out of school; They even went to school to chat with her teachers in their desperate search for an excuse. But Johanna had managed to be one of the most outstanding in her generation, and her teachers spoke nothing but wonders of her and how talented she was. 

In the end, they reluctantly accepted it, but even so, almost every day, they teased her by saying that in the future, she would be one more unemployed than would end up begging for a place in her father's office.

But Johanna had never been afraid of the future.

She didn't change her mind despite all the pressure her parents tried to put on her. She was going to prove them wrong. She would be the best graphic designer in all Trollberg. She would have so many commissions that she might even need to open her agency. She was going to be a successful professional, they would see.

Johanna looked around her and noticed that she was already halfway there. Maybe it was better if she turned her thoughts away from her fussy parents and better focused on something more pleasant, like the handsome boy she had met a couple of months ago and with whom she spent most of her afternoons. Johanna felt the heat rise her cheeks. She couldn't deny that she felt a great attraction for the boy. He was too charming, kind, and cute with her. Hopefully, maybe one day they could become more than friends.

* * *

She had to be dreaming.

This wasn't really happening, she was still asleep, and this was all just a figment of her imagination.

She blinks, blinks hard once… twice… three times.

She pinched her arm, and it hurt.

And if it hurt, it meant that she was not in the dream world.

It was real.

But this couldn't be real.

Her heart began to pound so hard in her chest that she felt it might somehow explode. All the warmth from her body was gone in a matter of seconds, leaving an unpleasant sensation of cold that clung to her bones and numbed her muscles. The air left her lungs on a trembling exhale, but it couldn't come back with the same intensity even as Johanna struggled to breathe.

  
  


The world suddenly stopped.

**_She was pregnant._ **

It didn't matter how much she tried to clear her blurred vision from tears or how much she tried to stop her hands from shaking so that she could see the pregnancy test instructions again and more clearly; she hadn't misread, she hadn't confused the results. Two lines had been drawn in an intense blue, and Johanna could not escape the meaning.

She, too, couldn't deny the evidence that she had experienced in recent months; occasional nausea, the spontaneous cravings, how tight the clothes around her waist began to feel ...

She was pregnant.

But she didn't feel ready to be a mother. She was a mess. How could she take care of a child when she was barely able to take care of herself? A son was too much responsibility! What if she couldn't be a good mother? What if the child hated her? What if her son was unhappy with her? And what would her parents say? She wasn't even married yet!

Suddenly all of her deepest insecurities surfaced, tormenting her mind, saying that she could never give this new being the life he deserved, that she was too incompetent to be able to raise a child properly.

And for the first time in her life, Johanna was terrified of what the uncertain future might bring.

So she cries. She cries and cries. 

She cries until the last of her anguish could come out in the form of a sob from deep in her chest.

And when she was finally able to breathe correctly again, when her heart stopped beating painfully into her chest, and tears no longer clouded her gaze, her mind was too tired to continue tormenting herself. It was then and only then that she realized:

She was sitting on the floor, gently hugging her belly.

Her legs and back felt stiff and even somewhat sore, but her arms were gently cradling the slight bulge in her belly. Considering how panic had clouded her mind and the stiffness of her other joints, the fact that she was gently hugging something and not squeezing it was a very particular fact, to say the least.

And this fact made reality sink differently in Johanna.

In her womb, there was a life growing.

In her womb was her child.

Her child.

And no matter how terrified she had been, even with her clouded judgment of hers, she hadn't been able to do anything to hurt him.

The truth was that she ...

She'll never can.

Never.

Because she ... She ...

She loved him.

She'll love this baby with every fiber of her being.

The tears ran down her face again, but this time there was no accompanying sob but a soft laugh.

"I'm going to be a mum," she said, lovingly caressing the little lump on her belly.

And the fear, little by little, was fading, and her insecurities dissolved as soon as a soft warmth began to flow from the bottom of her heart.

Because of what will happen from now on, Johanna was sure of one thing:

She would do her best to be the best mother her child could have.

And nothing, absolutely nothing, and no one would ever make her stop trying to be.

It was a promise.

* * *

The taste of iron overwhelmed all of her senses, even more than the throbbing pain on her cheek.

Johanna barely contained the urge to spit. Her mother would go crazy if she stained the carpet with blood.

The thought almost made her give a bitter laugh.

Slowly, she turns her head to face her parents again.

Her father is standing, looming over her like an executioner just a few steps away, and his fist is still clenched.

On the other hand, her mother is still sitting at the table; she stopped clutching the papers from the prior medical consultation Johanna had attended and now has her hands over her mouth, perhaps trying to silence the sobs. 

**_"What were you thinking?"_ **

Her father's tone is dangerous. It makes Johanna freeze. She does not attempt to get up off the ground; instead, she just brushes away the strands of hair that partially cloud her vision before responding.

“He proposed to me two months after graduation. I didn't tell you because he insisted that he wanted to make it official news in a couple more months when he got a better paying job so he could win your approval."

"And couldn't you wait for the wedding night?"

Johanna was silent in shame. She hated that this is how things are going and that her recklessness has caused her first child to come into the world with a mother that she still has a lot to resolve. But soon, that would stop mattering, and everything would be fine. She is getting married in the next few months and is going to live with her husband. Yes, maybe having this baby was something she would have planned a couple of years later, but she was still happy with the idea of starting a family. If only her parents could underst--

“Well, your stupid fiancé is right about one thing. We disapprove of your marriage ... "

_Wait, what?_

"... and of course, the product of your love."

Her father's words are clear, but Johanna can barely understand them.

"W-what are you talking about?"

“Stop being stupid, Johanna. You know what I mean: you will not marry that guy, much less have that son of yours. _You are going to abort."_

_No..._

Disturbed by her father's words, Johanna quickly turned her gaze to her mother for some support. 

Her mother couldn't agree; her mother had to refuse and be on her side. Regardless, she must even a little (just a little) understand what it meant to want to be a mother. But much to her disappointment, her mother was only nodding, endorsing everything his father had just said. She wiped away her tears, and in a thin voice, she confirmed:

"It's the best for everyone, Johanna."

**_No._ **

"NO!" Johanna screamed in despair. “I want to get married !! I want to have my baby !! "

But before she could say or do anything else, her father grabbed her by the hair and pulled her up so hard that she forced herself to get up to try to lessen the overwhelming pain.

" **NO!?** " He yelled in her ear, making Johanna wince, “How can you dare to say _no_ ? Do you have any idea how our reputation will be damaged if that baby is born? This is all a big mistake that you have to make amends ... "

**_"My baby is not a mistake!!"_ **

That's all her father needs to hear to lose control again. A fist connects again against her face.

Once

Twice

Three times.

She hears her mother screaming something, but she can't tell what.

Four

Five times.

Her father lets go of her and cannot even register that her legs do not respond until she hits the ground awkwardly, barely hugging her belly at the last second to prevent it from receiving the force of the impact.

  
  


Her ears are ringing, but her mother's desperate cries and her father's angry screams are mixed into an agonizing cacophony. Her head is spinning, the air is stuck in her lungs, and Johanna can't think of anything other than curling up right where she is, hugging her belly tightly to protect her baby from any harm that her father could inflict. She closes her eyes tightly, clenches her teeth, tears leak from her eyes, and she is in such excruciating pain that she cannot think clearly.

When was the last time her father had hit her like this?

When was the last time the carpet was stained with her blood?

~~**"... STOP DEFENDING HER!"** ~~

Johanna opens her eyes just in time to see how her mother is preventing her father from beating her up again. Her mother is struggling, holding her father's arms, but he is insistent; he gets close enough and just lifts her leg ...

Johanna cannot pull her arms away from her belly, so even though she can predict where her father's kick will land, she does nothing to protect her face.

**_PACKK !!_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Everything goes downhill from here. Please, if you found any grammatical errors let me know. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, have a nice day!


End file.
